Traversing Transitions

I love this article from Relevant. How timely!

It's been three days since arriving with my mom in Toronto and nothing could have prepared me for these everyday experiences. Let's try to recap:

1. I love Craigslist
From finding a place to live in HK from Craigslist to getting ALL my bedroom furniture, kitchen ware and random items (1 year old from IKEA!) from a student leaving Toronto for $100 (GOD LOVES ME!)...I can write a testimonial for Craigslist. There's so much trust to sell/buy/rent online and I was so happy when I met my landlord and Daisy (the student I bought things from), I could have hugged them in person (I almost did, my mom ended up doing so).

2. You can't change the world until you've seen it
I read the Lonely Planet guide for Toronto and I've even visited Toronto a few times, but nothing is like three days of walking and driving in the big big city. Nothing beats being here, period from the bums on the street to the crazy university to the artsy lofts. Comparison of Chinatowns for my master's project? Homelessness?

3. I have the best friends
From setting up my Macbook to hanging out with me to packing my suitcases (literally refolding the clothes I folded already), I have the best friends a girl could ever have, here, there and everywhere. It's like God's little angels everywhere so that I always have a friend in any city. A shoulder to cry on, a car to ride in, someone to share my love for ramen. Friends=family. Where would I be without you?! Lost and hungry. With more places, it is easier and harder to say goodbye because you know that some goodbyes are goodbyes. I will always long for Coquitlam as home and I desire to go back (I wanted to cry the moment I stepped off the plane), and I'm looking forward to the day God will lead me back 'home'. For the moment, here's to living 22 in a big big city.

4. Family, family, family
I've spent so much time with my mom that I am almost jealous for the rest of my family. I don't think I've ever spent so much time with my mom (the 24/7) since being in her tummy. Talking to my mom about family and seeing my relatives in Toronto (some that I didn't know existed, some I never met until now at the cemetery) I am revisiting many stereotypes and misconceptions I've held since a child. Family is pretty messy, but fascinating and foundational. Some people wait until their mid life to explore their past, I'm glad I am doing this now as I am building the foundations for the rest of my life. I don't want to keep believing in the wrong things. Maybe I have grown up some as well, but I realize I have been too harsh on my parents as well. They did/do their best and I wouldn't be the same without their genes and upbringing. The 'family' triumph card I've held for some time, and it's time to let go, let go, let go. The uncles have helped me move and get everything ready...so much so that we even had time to go sightseeing! What a blessing and how unexpected - I was prepared to run around like a chicken with my head cut off, and here I am eating ramen and touring the city.

PS - Being an older cousin is also a new and strange experience for me because I am used to being the little sister.

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Toronto will be cold and it is rather ugly (no natural beauties to help it...eeks what will I do?!) and I don't know what this collaborative program with social planning and community development (what a mouthful!) will bring, but here I am: Be present where you are called.

This is Home

Mundy Park

What's the first thing you want to do after you have met with inspiration? Often, mine is to write whether it is after a good play, movie or book, conversion or sight. It begins as an urge, an urge that needs harnessing and one that keeps nagging at you if you ignore it too long. Sometimes when you ignore it too long, the words also become fuddled and one has to seek hard to find them. I have written little this summer compared to past partly because writing solidifies my reality and I wanted to be carried away instead on the wings, like Keats wrote, of poesy. But alas, laptop here we meet again.

For four summers of my short life, I have spent my August days away from Vancouver. I always say that August is the best month to be in the city because for a few short weeks, California's sunshine comes. When I stepped off my 21st and final flight from Asia at YVR, despite the rain, I breathed in the humidity-free air and I was incredible happy to be home. Did it really take me so long to come to this place of peace and contentment? A week into hitting up my favourite running spots, driving the scratched up car I learned to drive in, and eating with friends - I don't want to leave again. It's too good, too perfect for this aching heart and I have to smother the small still voice at the back of my mind that says, this can't last. Was it really 12 years (3 olympic games) ago that I avidly watched the games and would write about Donavan Bailey along with my astronomy books? From the movie theatre I saw built where I visited countless times during high school because friends worked there to the evergreen trees we planted at the back of the yard that only used to be knee high that now tower over my head. For all the times I have 'left', I have also finally let go off all the blame and resentment against my family for not being the 'perfect' family for a 'perfect' me. In the future, another battle will arise, but this time, it will be fighting for my family.


A younger Molly and I | Apple tree in backyard

My first car accident | SR2K


Family 2005


God hasn't allowed me to cry for more than two days though sometimes I still want to cry. Too much good sense, I say to myself. There's more worthy things in this world to cry for Anna, the other half replies. Yet, instead of the feelings of being unwanted, unloved and failure, He has bombarded me with affirmations of who He is and who I am in Him. Indescribable. Unexplainable.

I am so scared and I don't want to go but I know it is time. Time to pursue my destiny, without distractions and hindrance. Time to enjoy God, to enjoy simply being. Time to make the stories that I will tell my grandchildren. I wasn't able to attend church often this summer because of the travels, but I was able to attend a service in Hong Kong and one in Singapore. Both speakers spoke on Micah 6:8, which I had declared earlier this year to be my life verse. Lately, I've heard that often, that something big will happen in my life, in that way. I remember the first time in the summer of first year when I went to Iona Beach with Mark (still one of my favourite places in the world) I said I wanted to be the prime minister and a missionary. How young, how naive, how fresh. Four summers later at the jetty, I told Mati that I have no such dreams anymore. A husband would be nice. I'm not sure all things are done by our own choosing. The phone call on Sunday shocked and devastated my heart, but maybe sometimes pain is the final notice.


Iona Beach

20 months. One cold city. Toronto, what do you have in store for me? More than I can imagine for myself? God you have allowed this door to open, please walk with me.

As always, there is a Switchfoot song for every and any occasion and this is no exception.

This is Home - Switchfoot

I’ve got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was

I believe now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place
I’ve never known

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I’ve seen the enemy
And I won’t go back
Back to how it was

And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It’s not over yet
We are miracles
And we’re not alone
Yeah

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I’m gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I’m gonna call it home
Home

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I’ve come too far
And I won’t go back
Yeah, this is home

Around SE Asia in 77 Days

I have a confession: although I encouraged the girls to journal, I am really not a great journaller myself. Instead of journaling faithfully every night (like Tiffany) about our journeys, I wrote sporadically. This is why I need Wikipedia now to help me decipher my photos. What I did manage to do however was write a poem of the unforgettable faces and places we met. I apologize for the length in advance but it rhymes!

To my BBCs and other friends =D











Bon Bon Cats
Meet the Bon Bon Cats, one by one
Together this summer on a journey
Smiles surround before we’re done

The world is her dance floor
From steps to jumps to flying
Dreams before her to explore
-Jenny

Adventure is her middle name
From the seas to the streets
Each day is never the same
-Yo

Prim and proper, and well-dressed
Yet such a fun loving girl
To find you’d be hard pressed
-Tiffany

Her eyes light up at the sight
Of exotic places, local food
Enjoying each given day and night
-Alvina

She has a plenty, pink and frilly
With her head often in clouds to
Bright but sometimes oh so silly
-Anna

Faces and Places









My birthplace and past I meet
A tale of two lives, two cities
Generations walk on separate streets
-Luk Yeung Sun Chuen, Tsuen Wan, Hong Kong

It’s the perfect place to be
For the consumer or capitalist
Modern, open and tax-free
-Hong Kong Special Administrative Region, China

An old man lies face down on the street
Banging a metal bowl on the ground
Bows of skin ties where knees used to meet
-Beggar, Fa Yuen Street, Hong Kong

A woman sits, her eyes on the road
Hoping for travelers to visit
How did she come to be, no one knows
-Vendors, Great Wall at Simatai, Beijing, China

A mother rocks a child in her arms
Deformity shadows the young boy
Can her tears protect him from harm?
-Mother and child, Summer Palace entrance, Beijing, China

A girl of twenty works the counter
Smiling at the freedom her work brings
Is there a chance of an encounter?
-Rachael, Wangfujing Hostel, Beijing, China

A fair-skinned American rests
At ease in a hip hutong café
Is integration the next big test?
-Man, café in a hutong, Beijing, China

A lone businessman waits in line
Blue blazer and glasses dress the part
Is he digging the next big gold mine?
-Business, airport terminal train, Beijing, China

Thousand stories trapped in baked clay
From a search for life’s elixir
The secret world now exposed by day
-Terracotta Warriors, Xi’an, China

Sweet osthmanthus your beauty shines
Adorning the simple grey mountains
My hand traces your graceful outlines
-Li River, Guilin, China

A taxi driver flashes a smile
Says ‘one legacy, one destiny’
As he drives along another mile
-Driver from Impiana Hotel, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia

A sun weathered man gestures
Pointing between my bag, bus and boat
Smiles as he lifts without pressure
-Man, Taman Negara, Malaysia

Marketing water in Asia by day
The start of a young entrepreneur
Never too serious to go play
-John, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia

A gentleman of twenty-three
Tells us of the city miracle
Tours us along the city’s clean streets
-Jason, Singapore

A prince’s fancy on an island
A politician’s drive to open
Singapura: in full command
-National Museum of Singapore

“Pretty” says the woman on the beach
trinkets of beads spill over her head
to haggle and bargain she does teach
-Vendor, Kuta Beach, Bali, Indonesia

A flower tucked behind the ear
He introduces himself with poise
Chivalry wins hearts far and near
-Manager of Novotel, Bali, Indonesia

Laughter rings as the girls walk
“Chanti chanti” calls out the street
Lively in step and full of sweet talk
-Random streets, Bali, Indonesia

The shy server breaks into dance
Hands me a rose made of straws
Sweet encounter given by chance
-Thai boy in red aboard the Seacanoe, Phuket, Thailand

His free afternoon gave a first time
To see life underwater on fins
All for a smile and beer for a dime
-Ti tour guide on an afternoon off, Koh Phi Phi, Thailand

Diver from Dubai sets up a shop
Underworld wonders his passion
Teaching students to find their way up top
-Master diver, Phuket, Thailand

On the island he finds his niche
Away from busy Bangkok he came
Leading tours out at sea and the beach
-Guide and survivor of the tsunami, Koh Phi Phi, Thailand

Our ex-boxing, cobra-killing guide
Whom we fondly call ranger Joe
Leads us through with rapids on the side
-“Joe”, Lahu village two hours by truck from Chiang Mai, Thailand

The shy smile says “ten baht”
Raised with elephants not Dumbo
Over her my mind and heart fought
-Girl, Lahu village two hours by truck from Chiang Mai, Thailand

Traveling couple from Allemande
Laughs over American television
The powers of borders beyond
-Tom and Kristina who drive 10 minutes to Switzerland to buy good chocolate, Chiang Mai, Thailand

Playful ears flap mosquitoes
As he meanders along the path
Passengers on his back he tows
-Asian elephants, Chiang Mai, Thailand

Waters of green and aqua blue
The full moon illuminates the night
Whose eyes feast on Koh Samui
-Chaweng beach, Koh Samui, Thailand

Splashes of rainbow of different shape
Beckons me to this simple cart of fruit
Colours the dull gray landscape
-Lady vendor, Soi Sukhumvit 38, Bangkok, Thailand

Smooth skinned and bright eyed
English speaking student of finance
Waiters at night on the side
-Waitor, Pub Street, Siem Reap, Cambodia

Black, white and orange fly
Over the unmarked grave sites
Where yesterday’s forgotten lie
-Butterflies, Choung Ek Killing Field, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

You aim to main and not kill
Marks of your work litter the streets
Can’t move, I am standing still
-Children of landmines outside tourist spots, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

Soft songs sung before the towers
As flocks of visitors stroll
Towards the five lotus flowers
-Mother and children outside the entrance of Angkor Wat, Siem Reap, Cambodia

Helmets fly full of flare
Weaving through wheels and motors
Honk and cross if you dare
-Crossing the streets of Hanoi, Vietnam

Rows and rows we walk by
Full of cheap goods for export
Prices make you say ‘my oh my’
-Markets with garment factory goods, Russian Market, Phnom Penh and Saigon Square, Saigon, Vietnam

How high, deep and wide
Precious packages on bikes
Carried by hand or roughly tied
-Scooters, Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

Did my textbooks tell me all?
I don’t know the American War
But these survivors to me call
-Hanoi Hilton, Hanoi, Vietnam and Cu Chi tunnels, Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

Public Sidewalks

I remember reading in "The Life and Death of Great American Cities" by Jane Jacobs that public sidewalks are essential to a thriving community. This my friends, Hanoi has in abundance. There is no "sidewalk" to walk on here, it is either a parking spot for motorbikes or a hangout for locals eating pho and drinking sweets. In order for one to walk down the street, one has to weave between the road and the "sidewalk" all the while lifting one's head up occassionally to not get hit by a bike. I miss public sidewalks in Canada! I also remember the noise from the traffic on the streets of Manhattan on top of the Empire State building, I couldn't believe the honks from the taxis travelled so far up! Hanoi definitely beats New York in terms of honking. Usually I sleep through everything, but even I woke up last night to the sounds from the streets at ungodly hours. The constant honking has a way of unnerving me, and coupled with the extreme humidity.

On the otherhand, I am happy to be back on paved roads although I enjoyed the dirt roads in Cambodia. The drive out to Ha Long Bay today was scenic, with rice paddies dotting along the sides of the road, with a growing city in the background. It's just like something from a picture book I tell you. It was also super cool when I suddently remembered that the "incident" at the Gulf of Tonkin that triggered the American War (or Vietnam War, depending which side you are on)...and the tour guide told us that we are there (Ha Long Bay is in the Gulf!). Super super cool and yay for history class in first year.

Interestingly we noticed today that we have not seen a McDonald's or a Starbucks here or in Cambodia, as Tiff says, "where there is Starbucks, there is civilization"...LOL. We had French cuisine for dinner tonight, the most expensive meal for this lag of the trip for sure, and it was good though I must say I am unused to the mashed potatoes and the heavy beef stew after two months of an Asian diet (come on, even the sphagetti bolognaise that I've had here is Asian-y).

A few more days...!

If it weren't for the butterflies over the mounds and the sounds of laughter from the children from the school down the road, I don't know how well I could have stomached the Killing Fields. Reading and even watching documentaries couldn't prepare you for the sight of the pagoda of skulls and the bones and fragments of cloth on the ground, and the flocks of maimed children (three words on my mind: landmines, kids, exhorters) on the streets in front of tourist attractions. Nonetheless, Cambodia is a vibrant country. Having chats with our local tour guides and vendors, especially ones my age, there is a desire and a persistence in this beautiful people to learn and to build their country. Yesterday in the night market in Siem Reap, I noticed that the boy vendor had the same French cahier that I used before in French class so I struck up a conversation. He knew that Canada was bilingual and asked which part of English Canada I was from. Today as we were traveling to Angkor Wat Archeological Park, there were campaign trucks all over the streets for election day this Sunday. Our tour guide was telling us how the young people today learn about democracy. You can't imagine how happy I was to hear that, that the people here want it and are interested. Can you believe our tour guide worked for the UN as a translator for Cambodia''s first elections in 1993? A large part of me is still incredibly saddened by the events of the last thirty years in this country (no one cared!), but looking at the impressive sandstone, still standing wats...reminds me that the Khmer people also had a magnificent past. They had a massive canal system established so early! What happened in the 20th century...And these sculptures that still stand today, I wonder what we will leave behind 1000 years from now, definitely not IKEA furniture. LOL There is nothing like walking through 1000 year old ruins...

On a lighter note, I enjoy Cambodian food much more...because it isn't spicy! Yes I can finally eat curry and I love noodle soup which is everywhere.

We also visited a local NGO the other day in Phnom Penh where kids, many orphans learn dance and performance. I was thinking to myself the whole time...can I do front line development work? Much more appreciation to aid workers and missionaries.

So we did the most dangerous thing on this trip thus far yesterday...we rented 3 motorbikes and went biking around Koh Samui. Seeing that we were done with water sports and had our fair share of lounging, what better way to see the island than weave through traffic like locals? Having learned how to bike a few short years ago and not even having enough guts to go cycling on the street (I always stick to bike paths LOL...oh Lydia...!)...I wasn't driving. Instead I put my life into Tiffany's hands and it went reasonably well. In order to ease both of our tensions, I would talk to Tiffany during our cycle tour. "It's okay Tiffany, the cars and bikes will go around us...slow and steady..." I think it was more for my benefit as well talking it out. Even though we didn't go past 40 km/h it sure felt faster on a bike and I couldn't help but think at every turn...oh man, the sun scorched pavement will hurt on my bare arms and legs. No accidents though and it was cool, though I think I got motion sickness afterwards...that or I was REALLY nervous so that after I got off the bike, I felt pretty nauseous. The only down part of the day was when I tried to bike on a little dirt road. I did manage to succeed for a total of 10 seconds before I fell off and the bike on top of my leg, where it left a very nasty bruise. So...that was $40 Canadian dollars of damage for that little adventure...sigh. At least things including accidents are cheaper in Thailand than Canada. It's like when I was learning to bike, the bike always fell on top of my leg because I would be too heavy handed and try to take off too fast, lose my balanace and blah. Maybe it says as much about my fiery character as it does about my biking skills. Nonetheless, despite the scorching mid-day heat and the sudden torrential downpour, Koh Samiu was so gorgeous as we biked along the beach road...Alvina and Yo faired very well though as our other two drivers. I am sure all the other locals were laughing at our helmets and our turns. Only tourists wear helmets.

We went wave catching the day before on Chewang beach and it was amazing. The tide varies quite a bit but we picked a good day as we would float on our backs or on the floating device (like those plastic blow up futon things) back and forth until we got washed ashore. There is nothing like floating in the ocean and I did again attempt to swim. Seriously though, I don't like the taste of salt water or the stinging feeling on my skin against my insect bites. The clear waters are amazing as usual, and the aqua greens to sigh for - I don't know the next time I would be able to go on a tropical vacation...maybe my honeymoon.

I have been watching more television than I have for years during this trip - MTV, the news, movies, you name it. I feel so out with popular culture and even current events as I would rather read a newspaper than watch the news. It is strangely addicting and I don't know what I would do when I come home. To tv or not to tv? LOL.

Reality begins to hit again as I continue to ponder about housing choices in Toronto. To wait for residence or take another offer with roommies? We watched a few documentary like movies the past few nights, on about (In my country) the end of apartheid in South Africa...and I can't beleive we are going to the Killing Fields in Cambodia! Stepping into real history (and present) still baffles my mind as we visited places that were severely hit by the tsunami, WWII memorial sites of the battle of the Pacific (we never focus much on the Pacific war in our studies in Canada), and the miracle and bust of the Asian Tiger economies. I am lost in amazement sometimes and at other times, I want to completely turn off my brain and just be normal for once like other carefree 22 year olds. More and more I realize that my conception of "development" work (as well as missionary work) is much different in reality than the glamour that I have envisioned in my mind and I doubt my ability to do it. I finished "The Shack" the other day, and it was the timely reminder that yeah...hey, Anna it won't be you...but Him. Good book. Much needed and appreciated God. Thank you.

With about three weeks left in this trip, I want to bask in the present and try best as I can, to stop my mind from spinning into the unknown, the future. In the book, "God" was saying how often we spend the most time in the future, and in a future we imagine that is often without God. How true that is when I think of how I will prepare for graduate school, with little room for God to do his every miracles. So here's to that and so my house finding journey continues.

I miss home, I really do and I really want to pick up a stray cat but my mind keeps saying to me...rabies! The girls are great though, and I am so thankful for this summer. I was telling Jenny and Tiffany how this is the longest time I've hung out with just girls!

Someone's watching over me...

A sunset cruise with island exploring and snorkelling in Koh Phi Phi sounds like a wonderful idea...until the boat stops in the middle of the ocean by random limestone islands and everyone jumps out into the water. Well, that is if you are like me and can't really swim. I don't know how I didn't think about how I would be able to snorkel but the idea really didn't cross my mind. Thus, when a Thai boy (a guide but on his off afternoon) offered to teach me how to snorkel for a can of beer on the boat, I took him up on the offer. I didn't die and the one hour was amazing. I saw this sign that said something like "You think you're a traveller? 70% of the earth is water" and my tiny glimpse of the underwater life was unbelievable, the coral and bright fish, even in the little that I saw, blew my mind and somehow I naturally breathed out of my mouth. A few gulps of salt water and waves tossing me about, with Ti's help, I survived and like I was telling Tiff, somebody really is watching over me...

The next stop was Maya Bay, where the movie "The Beach" was filmed. I think all good things in life must come after a difficult and risky journey because in order to get to the beach, we had to jump out of the boat, swim to this random little hole in the island, while waves pound you against the slippery rocks. Ti literally dragged me along in my life jacket, and I never thought I would make it...so the next time I think something is difficult, I will think about the waters and the amazing white sand at the beach. Seriously, the most breathtaking beach in my life.

A night in a bamboo hut and an elephant ride in Chiang Mai, Thailand has been exciting and it is a wonder how the Thai people do it, living it up like it is everyday while I pray everytime that we will be safe.

My first mini-breakthrough moment today was being able to do the back crawl! Well..my strange non-straight version anyways of doing something resembling rotating shoulders and arms and managing to stay afloat and kicking. Today is swim number five and my favourite pool yet...because it was 1.4 meters the entire way and empty! LOL I guess not that many people swim in resorts at 8am in Phuket.

The girls went diving today and I would love to dive, except for the small detail that I really need to be comfortable being in water that goes over my head. What I did today was purposely go underwater and look around, it is amazing how much better one feels when you can see. Thank God for googles. More and more I am realizing that maybe I am more of an introvert by nature, extrovert by training. I didn't mind being alone today, even though eating by yourself at a restaurant is still a bit funny. I still can't do it without a book at hand.

No matter what continent, not feeling well sucks so I was also glad to just be able to relax today. I didn't realize how stressed my body has become (my period was over 10 days late!!!). Whenever I feel under the weather like now, I miss the comforts of home and the feeling of being taken care for by somebody else.

Phuket is the side of the island that the tsunami hit. Most of the buildings I see are fresh and new. Looking at the deep blues and green hues of this tropical paradise, it is difficult to imagine the wreck the waters brought only a few short years ago. Do you believe in ghosts and spirits? How many lost souls, no one knows. Without tourism, there is no way this town would have been rebuilt so quickly and I think of the regions that maybe aren't so lucky to be blessed by foreigners in this way.

I was saying to the girls yesterday as we boarded the boat for the James Bond Island tour how I wanted to meet a cute boy in Thailand. What do you know but by the end of the day, a cute Thai boy (a bit too dark for me, but cute Thai boy nonetheless) gave me as we were leaving the boat, a rose made out of two straws (red and green). As Tiff and I were talking today, SE Asia has been great for our egos. Already we are taller than most of the girls. LOL. We went "canoeing" Thai style at two of the islands yesteday and it was super cool and great...except for the fact that the whole time I was thinking "I am going to fall off" (it's like this plastic boat with shallow seats not the deep wooden canoes that I'm used to in Canada!) and "damn I can't swim in this open water". Fortunately, no accidents and going to see these limestone caves, with its lonely lagoons and low openings (the tide goes in and out really fast) that we had to lie down flat to get to...was super cool. As was the jellyfish and other of nature's wonders in the waters. Honestly though, I was so nervous and I guess this is the stress my body is finally releasing today. You don't know how scared I was though when we were inside the lagoon and the tide was rising and our guide said that he had two occasions where they had to swim back because the tide was too high for the canoe to get through the opening. That would have been so NOT COOL. Whew.

Twelve more days in Thailand...maybe some morning I will have a breakthrough and suddently be able to do the front crawl with more than two breaths before collapsing. Rhythm, rhythm...

KL is a much more developed city than I imagined. Being my third short trip in KL, I am quickly finding it to be a livable, vibrant city. The power of brand recognition amazes me, even as I walk into convenience stores I don't trust myself to buy products that I don't recognize. The power of marketing eh? Malaysian food is great but I was so happy today in Chinatown with my bowl of wonton noodles. It's the little simple things in life that matter after all. Exploring Chinatown today reminded me of all other Chinatowns in the world that I have visited: San Fran, London, Montreal and the like all with its familiar gaudy red arch and rows of vendors. National pride or no, I couldn't help but feel a surge of "pan-Chinesim". This time, the vendors had cute Malaysian accents and I managed to pick my long coveted brown and tan striped Adidas jacket for 35 ringgets. Fake or not, I like it! The ethnic mix in KL makes the city special and as John pointed out interesting buildings and facts about the city, I marvel at the way the government handled ethnic integration. The consequences from colonialization from Britian, the Second World War (the Pacific War), and migrant workers all contribute to the city's eccletic mix and it is fascinating. I have also never been to a Muslim country, and the architecture and laws of the land reflect it. The grips of theocracy remains as little strands, and it made me realize that gods still rule some lands outside of North America.

As we walk down the streets, even in KL, I feel a little bare with my skirt and tank top. I wonder if the locals stare at us and think of us as blasphemous, girls dressed like this. If my skin was white, at least they would understand, but with my tan, I can easily pass for a SE Asian, except for the way I talk and dress of course.

Two Worlds

Sometimes like this morning, I have strange thougths trying to reconcile the blessings I have through this travel and knowing that I will be heading home in August to re-enter student life (and a very tight student budget). Just for some days like the spa day yesterday, I think about what life would be like if this was the everyday. I watched the Forbes "Top 20 under 25" the other night (as you can tell, I don't watch TV normally or else I wouldn't be so intrigued) and I just can't imagine. To most of the people we have met during our travels, from drivers to our spa therapist to the receptionist, whenever they ask where we are from. The conversation usually moves from surprise that we are Asian but we are Canadaian so a lofty smile. And I feel like wow. We are the chosen and privileged ones to be Canadian. And we are and I don't think I have ever been more proud to be Canadian than during this trip.

Worry
I am trying to not worry about not having secured housing yet for the fall and not really having reliable internet access in the meantime. I guess it's another lesson in faith, kind of like floating on your back for the first time (which by the way, I can totally do now).

Up next...back to KL and than Thailand!

A Story about Anna in the Ocean

Having grown along the Pacific Northwest, it is hard to believe that I have never swam in the Pacific Ocean. But I did it! Against my will, as we were bananaboatnig the other day in Bali (so...the other side of the Pacific Ocean...), our driver asked Jenny in broken English if we wanted to "flip up". Jenny thought he meant if we wanted to catch bumpier waves so she quickly agreed. Unexpectantly as we were laughing and being silly...the next thing I knew was that I found myself in the ocean...in shock! Of course we had on life jackets but mine was too big (and old) and I quickly started to panic. After some harlarious laughter (I was so mad), we managed to all pile back on our banana boat and went about our way. Still, it was not my best experience of being in the ocean but I was cursing to myself all the way back...Anna you really need to learn how to swim. Thus this morning was my second try at swimming at the more shallow lane pool. A few gulp fulls of water down my stomach and gasping breaths, I am slowly getting more comfortable with the water and can now do two breaths in front crawl. I am going to throw my kid in the water so they don't have to experience this pain. Nonetheless, just like learning to bike a few years ago...thus continues my adventures in stretching my limits and reaching for the unknown...To redeem the day, salt water does taste kind of good, and parasailing, jetskiing and fly fishing were much more fun than my banana boat experience.

Temples and Worship

There are gorgeous temples in Bali, as there was in China and every other place I have hit. Whether it is against the backdrop of the crashing waves and the sunset (like the Tanah Lot temple last night) or on top of hills (like in China), wherever there is beauty in creation mankind seems to have built monuments of worship to their gods. It is an incredible sight. I watched a National Geographic special on the First Emperor and the Terracota Warriors this morning; it was amazing because I was there! But even more amazing thinking about the power and fear of one man (of death), that led him to create such art works and history, and also cause such brutality. Never have I been more grateful and in awe of my Jesus, who I know is more than mercury or bronze or silver. The dominant religion in Bali is Hinduism and everywhere, in front of every little street shop there are food offerings to the Hindu gods, I am still in shock of it and realizing that there is so much more to religion than my North American eyes.

Thoughts about school

Travelling to SE Asia has been like walking through my textbooks in the last five years. I have had great conversations with locals (bus drivers, taxi drivers, friends, etc) about the development of each country I've hit. The basic questions about the government, economy, social networks and democracy have been some of my favourite part of the trip and I am surprised and happy at the frank and open answers I have received, even when I ask them about their former dictators. Cities like KL are much more developed than I imagined, but poverty also seeps everywhere, even to the four star resorts and city centres. These cracks and glimpes of the life of the common folk are the images I've tried to capture, and what I hope will influence my thoughts as I head into social planning at UT in the fall. My mind is blown away in thinking about how to pursue basic development like education, infrastructure, and healthcare, nto to mention softer things. Sewage treatment is complicated. Water is precious. There are way too many people living in this part of the world for everyone to live like North Americans. I took a bubble bath today in our tropical terrace room and used more water in an hour than who knows what. I don't have a thesis topic yet but thoughts are constantly blowing away my mind.

Where my mom grew up in Mong Kok | TST Avenue of the Stars...Aaron Kwok! My all-time favourite HK popstar!

I went to the Vine (http://www.thevine.org.hk/) for Sunday service and it was the best two hours of my time in Hong Kong. There is something special about meeting in the house of the Lord and I was just so happy and so ready to do anything; it's like coming home while away from home. It wasn't just the creative, vibrant vibe I got at the Vine
(their small groups and ministries are amazing! I would sooo join in their community projects) but the speaker was talking about Micah 6:8 which is my life verse. I've been starting to feel quite homesick and alone (though not alone) and it was just a gift from heaven.

I hung out with Auntie Chick again today and we went to Mong Kok to see the still existing apartment where my mom's parents lived, and where my mom actually grew up. I felt that it was just a trip down memory lane for me as it was for Auntie Chick; she grew up with my mom and told me about their times on the streets and how the neighbourhood has changed. At times like these, I realize that maybe this trip is more than I imagined. These trips to explore my grandparent's and parent's lives in Hong Kong, spending time in Singapore with my fourth uncle (leaving for Singapore tomorrow!) and moving to Toronto (where my other two uncles live) for grad school...make me wonder if God has a greater plan for me. Family has always been a difficult part of my life and it seems like I am going around the globe (literally) to unite these loose ends and bring peace. I recently talked to Helinda too on Facebook!

As always, God has blessed my days with more than I could ask for or imagine...

And thus ends my two week China journey...waiting to catch our 13 hour train back to Hong Kong tonight from Guilin. I slipped and fell on the street when we got out of the taxi (torrental downpour today!) so my butt is wet and I have new bruises. LOL.

There are temples and and pagodas everywhere here, on every hill and facing every water source, but no churches in sight. There is much devotion to the gods, but the statues of gold, bronze and steel offer only emptiness in my eyes. In development, China is still a developing country and the rapid pace of modernization can be seen in every major city and every countryside. At first, the sight of old shanty houses, with leaky roofs made of bamboo and whatever else disturbed me. The crowds of street vendors selling everything from scorpions on a stick to Chinese qiaopuos made me pity the hard lives of the 1.3 billion people. But you know, China's not just about that, people struggling to survive. They are quite a vibrant, persevent people - I loved seeing the old people doing tai chi and dance with ribbons and sing their old folk songs at the park. Life might not be at the standards that I expect, with my foreign eyes (I still don't like squatter toilets but I can appreicate them), but they live and live vibrantly. I went to eat at this dingy rice noodle places last night, for a bowl of local noodles, Guilin speciality for 4.5 yuan (less than 50 cents CDN). It was great! I have never eaten at such a dingy place though but you know, despite my tummy rumblings (a little today), people get by and it's just a different kind of normal I suppose.

The scenery along the Li River is gorgeous and I feel like I walked in a Chinese painting with the mountains, birds and rivers. God is everywhere if we choose to see him. I liked talking to our tour guide about Chinese history and politics. Hmmm this is the side of research I have yet to be exposed too, I remember Yves saying there are two ways to do research - one, from books and statistics and two, from travelling and observing and getting ideas. I guess this is the research class I haven't taken yet. I find that people are quite open and friendly. We've had such helpful taxi drivers and random people we have met on the street. I guess at the back of my mind I still had the idea of the Maoist China but things have changed much since the 1970s. I think people are just trying to get a living, like everywhere else in the world.

It is strange to be a foreigner in my "native" land. Whenever we met other tourists (Caucaisan), I feel that I can relate to them more than to the local Chinese. It's weird too being discriminated against by your own ethnic "race". Yesterday when we were on the river cruise, we sat with three British travellers (quite nice). During the entire ride, the local Chinese servers never paid attention to us, and when they came around to sell merchandise, whether it was snake vodka or Olympic t-shirts, they never once asked us. Jenny got a seal made with her Chinese name carved yesterday in the markets in Yangshao; I would have liked to have one made, but our three heads put together, we couldn't put together my Chinese name. I can't even write it or even knows what each character means! So sad, so sad. It's time I invest some time in Chinese. I did have this written down, but I left the piece of paper sadly in Hong Kong.

Something I thought I would never use in China...French! But it seems at every turn, we have met French tourists! As we are trying to spend the rest of our four hour wait, we went to a random bookstore carrying very few English books, so Jenny and I ended up reading a copy of "Le Petit Prince" that had English, Chinese and French. Welcome globalization.

Honestly, I don't know if I don't like travelling or if I am just tired and need a few days rest at "home" (thank goodness for our HK and Singapore rest days). The first thing I have to buy when I get back to HK is a LOT of snacks, because I get soooo hungry.

Arrival at Beijing

The temperature is so much cooler here than in Hong Kong - no humidity! But I feel like as we were walking down Wangfujing that I'm being bitten everywhere. I am so tired from the early morning flight and just finding the hostel and the tour place. Now finally those things are done and I can start to relax and enjoy, afterall this is the leg of the trip that I planned! The hostel is nice, the bathroom and the room is clean enough for $17 a night downtown Beijing. The location is amazing so I am glad this worked out. This is the first time staying at a hostel and I already appreciate good western cleaniless! I don't think I am cut out for the bush at all and I am starting to be so thankful that we are travelling in mostly 4 and 5 star hotels this trip, save the HK and Singapore parts where we are staying at rich relatives' places. That leaves only Beijing and Bangkok for hostelling...thank goodness. I am not sure I am a traveller, or maybe just not this grungy kind. I brought no skirts, no frills and no heels and I totally sport the Jane Goodall MEC look. Comfort above all else here. I think this will be really good for me, to be away from technology (haha save the fact that I am already using the Internet first night at the hostel!) and away from beauty stuff. I was so self conscious in HK, much less here so probably because I feel more like a tourist.

I think I am still adjusting to being in Asia, with the heat and just the environment. I don't know if I am truly really enjoying it yet, coming thus far to Beijing has been a relief to me because I was responsible for this part. I remind myself that it has only been a week, so it's not bad. Still though, I am kind of looking forward to the day of being back home. My clean, green, and most of all, familiar home. Bah...only to leave again of course after three weeks. Needless to say, I miss home.

Each day so far has been like a hundred days like Sean said it would be. I have had a billion thoughts about everything.

Beijing is really international, from the people at the airport to the people around me right now at the hostel. I love that. I think taxi drivers here are the craziest, even more so than HK because so many people bike here, and taxies just cut in front of bikers. I originally thought it would be cool to bike here but now I think we would just die, I still feel scared when I cross the street. The city is much cleaner than I anticipated and the streets are super wide, kind of like Washington D.C. I think with all the pandemics and health problems, all of China, especially the big cities, improved in their sanitation.

Thank goodness!

I do feel like I am absorbing more Cantonese and Mandarin, thank goodness Jenny is here and knows how to speak mandarin and read Chinese. So far, we all get along and the dynamics are working out. Jenny and I spent yesterday afternoon together and I feel like we bonded. I hope to have similar experiences with Tiff and Yo, so I think it will be okay. I talked to Jenny about it too, my original (and still) hesitations about coming on this trip.

Already I have a greater appreciation of home and an admiration for meandering travellers.

A few thoughts before leaving for Beijing…

A picture by the fountain

On Friday, I went to Tsuen Wan with Auntie Chick in order to visit the place where I grew up in Hong Kong “Lok Yurn Fa Yuen”. I remember this picture I had taken in front of the water fountain at the centre of the apartment complex when I was about four; it must have been taken after school on a birthday party day because I was wearing my school uniform, with a birthday hat on my head and goodie bag in hand. The moment I stepped into the fountain area, 18 years later, I remembered that picture and vaguely remember walking home, holding my sister’s hand down that same path.


Ummm so I think this was the actual fountain...but I forgot to take a picture of myself with it LOL

I don’t have very many memories from my time in Hong Kong. There is me jumping on my parent’s bed with my brother at home, the only air conditioned room. There’s me crying because my siblings cheated me out of some toy. There’s me asking my sister’s piano teacher if I could play piano, (I actually sat on the bench) and her smiling and telling me that my four year old fingers were still a little too small. I remember the sight of my mother’s back (because she was always leaving) and the hand of my Pilipino nanny Sarah (who I didn’t like because I wanted mommy) as we walked through the streets with vendors selling all sorts of trinkets to and from school. I remember the night before leaving for Canada, going out to dinner with my mom’s parents at a restaurant, and walking back through streets selling all sorts of delicacies like live snakes.

This was the apartment where I lived, no memories of the exterior.

Coming back to where I came from (literally), is a bit of a surreal experience. It’s been a week now in Hong Kong and I am getting used to the weather and the hustle and bustle (getting used to it, not necessary preferring it) and I wonder how life would have turned out if 1997 didn’t happen (see how important politics is!). I can imagine more the lives of my parents before they had me (as children we never think of our parents as people and not our parents). What a feat moving to Canada really is, how different and distant are the lands from each other. Leaving Vancouver to go to grad school in Toronto is hard enough for me already; I will complain about getting to go home only once every four months while I now realize, my parents have never gone back to their “home” in Hong Kong in 18 years. My sister went back for the first time in the fall of 2006 and I am second. There are political reasons (haha) of course, with my dad’s paranoia about grandpa’s past as a KMT official (the governor of Suzhou! Crazy eh?) and I think they are planning the trip soon. But still. I think of those European pioneers that journeyed for months on a ship from Europe to North America in search for a better life and perhaps, gold. My parents were pioneers too.

About a man

Journalistic photographers often face the dilemmas of the ethnics of photographing distressing scenes such as people in pain, poverty or death. On the one hand, photographing is a medium that helps to convey the message to the world, but on the other hand, one feels like they are exploiting their subject. As an aspiring photographer, I run into this dilemma every time I take a photograph of a street person, a vendor or a building. As a thinker, I run into similar issues. Here I am, I think think think about the social condition of Hong Kong (and every other place I will visit in the next two months) and there is a helplessness and uselessness of just thinking and not actually doing anything but sightseeing, shopping and eating. I am going to study to be a social planner and do all sorts of things, one part of my brain says, but my heart still pounds and bleeds. And so I write and hope that these few words will remind an older “social planner” me and those around me, what life is really all about. Please Anna, never forget and don't ever stop bleeding. There are sights that should never exist.

So I saw the same man again today laying face down on Fa Yuen Street in Mong Kok, which is one of those little pedestrian streets with three rows of vendors with a traffic of thousands of people daily. He’s got a wheelchair and he lies face down on the pavement on top of a blanket, wearing only shorts. The only noises he makes comes from his hand, where he bangs his tin cup every few seconds. His black shorts cover the only parts of his legs, both legs have been amputed from the knee down. I don’t know much about amputations but the scar looks horrendous (can these scars look nice, I don’t know), kind of like a bow except with skin.

There are a million reasons of how this man arrived at his present state. He could have been one of those people who gambled his life away or as innocent as a person who just fell into hard times. Maybe he’s a war veteran or someone who is being used as a bait to get money for sympathy (think Cambodia). I don’t know, only God knows but damn I can’t get the image out of my head. In a city like Hong Kong (as in every city but in varying degrees and dimensions), a mix of merit and hereditary separates the rich and the poor. I accept that, but I believe that we can make this gap more narrow and tip the scales a little bit more to be a compassionate society. This is why I think Plato and the other Greek philosophers are so important – meritocracy is such an quintessential value in our society. But if we only give others what they deserve, as Shakespeare writes in Hamlet, than “who will escape a whipping?”

“There’s gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me” – Stacy Orricio.



And to end off on a completely different random note...HK Disneyland! Just because this is my coolest jumping picture to date. Another walk down memory lane, I remember going to LA Disneyland when I was 8 with my auntie and cousin

I am all shopped out. I never thought I would say this – but Hong Kong has shopped me out.

I don’t think I could live in this city. Good food, good shopping but I can’t really run outside. There are nice views in this island city, and lots of gorgeous places I am sure on the many little islands…but I miss Vancouver with its grass and clean air!

Gosh what am I going to do in Toronto!? If Toronto is a global city like Hong Kong, with food, shopping, culture and humidity…I better learn to play more indoor sports.

To be honest, I am a little homesick already. I never thought I was ever much of a homebody but I am. I miss my cat and my family. I think it’s also knowing that when I come back, I will only be home again for three weeks before going to Toronto for grad school. A big part of me is thinking this is it, do this trip and do grad school and then settle somewhere in Metro Vancouver with a job and a down payment for a house. It’s not so much the “stuff” but I think I want to start a family of my own soon too. I guess family has become more and more important to me, or maybe it’s because I had never given it much of a place of importance in my heart until now. I don’t know how it will all work out, I pray for God’s leading and I am so thankful for a supportive family.

I almost didn’t want to go on this trip right before I left, which is my normal reaction to things. Five days in, already I feel like each day has been a hundred like Sean said it would be in traveling. My brain and my heart can’t help it but my eyes and my thoughts run across politics, social welfare and the like with every new scene in Hong Kong. How accessible is the city for the disadvantaged? (do you know how FAST the escalators on the MTR go? I am still afraid of tripping) Is the city designed with a socially conscious mindset? (much more green, probably because it has to be) What is the prevailing ideology? (ummm..anyplace where your head of state is called “Chief Executive”…says something) I can’t help but to think of these questions…probably makes me a not so fun travel partner, or maybe, depending who you are I suppose. I just spent some time looking up information on the government’s website just to see what the official documents say. “Non-compulsory contributions” to social welfare and all. Everyone says that Hong Kong is the capitalists’ dream, with personal income tax rates capped at 16% (which is around the lowest bracket in Canada), also very local corporate taxes and no sales tax (which is great for shopping). It’s like HK’s welfare is so different than the one I know, paid by for taxes. With its religious schools (my mom and grandmother taught at Christian schools in HK) and hospitals, there is so much more private philanthropy here and I like that because people care when they make these investments. The government is probably the worse provider of social services but we also need the government (or so my neo-liberal ideology has taught me to think) to regulate and to stimulate. It’s a delicate dance I think, when it comes down to it nonetheless…lots of thoughts…

Again, I realize I really need my Anna time. So my time journaling everyday continues, in order to preserve my sanity and the sanity of those who have the pleasure of traveling with me.


This is KFC in HK...they have chicken wings! And Portgeuse egg tarts!


This is a Shogun burger meal (sooo Japanese style paddy with an egg!) at McDonald's with a side of corn. I also had a green tea and red bean ice cream sundae the other day....Micky D's...the king of globalization with its brand recognition and localization...! Starbucks here also has mango frappes!

A part of me...

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View from great grandma "Ta ma"'s grave, nice eh?

Though I think I’ve been to a cemetery once in Toronto when I was a kid for my grandpa’s funeral, I have no recollections of a cemetery save what I’ve read in books and seen in movies. Going today to “Bok Fu Lam”, a Chrisitan cemetery at the edge of Hong Kong Island overlooking the South China Sea to visit my grandpa and great grandma was a completely new experience for me. I never met either of them, but I was standing there by their wall (they were cremated, only rich people have full graves in HK), I couldn’t help but think about the generations that have come before me, and that have made me who I am.


I never knew that my great grandmother was a Christian. I never knew that my dad looked so much like his dad. I took pictures of their grave sites to show grandma, and also so I won’t forget. It took a heck of a time getting to the cemetery and there is no way I could have gotten there without Pastor Li taking me there, me not knowing how to read any Chinese and the cemetery being so isolated. Because she is a pastor, she knew the caretakers there, and providence would have it so that when it started to pour (and it POURS in this part of the world) and I was starting to get bitten from mosquitoes…as we were waiting for the bus (that only came once every blue moon) the owner of the place drove by, and him knowing Pastor Li, gave us a lift down to the MTR wayyyy down the hill. Crazy eh?


Seeing Pastor Li this morning and having dinner with Auntie Chick last night, both of whom I have barely any recollection of, though I have often heard their name spoken at home, was…I can’t put a word to it…special? They are both people who know my family well, and Auntie Chick was in the delivery room actually when my mom gave birth to me! She’s like my mom’s best friend, from high school to now! Being in HK and seeing these people, it’s like adding pieces of the puzzle that is me, that many often many people don’t start to put together until after their parents die. You know what I mean? I think I am seeing nearly ALL of my family this year (HK, Singapore, Toronto)...which is an area that I haven't touched, and that I have always cited as a sore spot in my family. I guess I am no longer afraid, and I am even eager to face it, skeletons and all. To see the beauty in the broken, and to find joy in it.


I think Mendel got it right about the genes. Genes do pass down the generations, things like the fact that I am studying the social sciences like my mother, the long line of teachers from both sides of the family, the faith. Pastor Li was saying how I look like mom but my mannerisms are similar to dad. It’s kind of cool, because I never really took much of an effort to get to know my family (or maybe even wanted to know) until the last few years.


Lots to write and lots going through my head.

A tale of two cities? Look carefully at the top apartments on the picture on the right side.

Yes it is...the Coach store is designed like a Coach signature bag! I have seen brand name stores here that I have only EVER seen in magazines! This is better than New York. This is also my fourth consecutive day shopping...(not in these stores of course) and I do sicken myself a little.

Gotta like them fishes on the street...I like fishes cuz there'll so delicious...LOL

First day in Hong Kong

So I survived the 14 hour plane ride, a taxi and mini bus ride, and the sweltering humidity…and even went on the MTR today without getting lost!

It is surprisingly easy to get around in Hong Kong, and though I can’t read or write any Chinese, I find myself surprisingly at ease in this fast-paced (the escalators go faster here!), rat race chasing (seems like everything is about money money money…they have so many designer brand shops!) of a city. This is my first time coming to Hong Kong since I immigrated to Canada when I was five years old, but I find myself quite at leisure.

Alvina aunt’s place is in Kowloon Tong and it seems like quite a nice area to live. The view from our bedroom window is gorgeous, typical of all Hong Kong night views. As we rode in the taxi today, the gap between the rich and the poor is starkly evident: from the dirty back alleys to the run down apartment buildings to the extensive use of servants by any one who has money.

It reminded me a bit of New York but with an Asian twist, with the taxi driving and feel that “this-is-your-city-if-you-have-money”. Again, I was home once I hit a shopping mall (Festival City today).

I noticed quite a few efforts to being green here, from full and half flush toilets to the “save the trees” signs in the bathrooms. The MTR runs in three languages Cantonese, English and Mandarin, giving Hong Kong quite the cosmopolitan character. The British influence remains and I can see the positive impacts this benign colonizer had on this once little port city.

Can’t wait to see more of my birthplace that I largely know/remember from watching TVB shows, including hopefully visiting my grandfather’s (dad’s dad) grave (never got to meet the man, died when my dad was 18).

The view of the South China Sea and the mountains (or rather hills) on Lantau Island on the airport express from the airport to Tsing Yi was beautiful. The view of the line of palm trees against the sea, divine. Nice city, but I don't think I would live here.

One Year

QT and I at Holt Renfrew downtown...what a wall eh?

Rereading again the emails I got back from my coworkers at HC makes me sad about leaving. Today was my last day of my year as a public servant. Crazy eh? One year already! It seems only like yesterday that I was finishing up my honours thesis at UBC.

I was browsing through my entries this time last year when I finished my last class at UBC, and I was struck at how similar yet different, I have become.

I think I am still an idealist and a dreamer, and insightful but I think I am a bit more focused. Maybe it is because I have finally made a decision about doing planning at UT, which is crazy – maybe it’s because I am going to Asia! This point last year, I had these things floating in the air, but here we are, materialized.

I think I want to teach in some capacity, I will definitely apply to TA during my masters. See how that goes, I know I want to work for a bit, but yeah, teaching will fit somewhere. It’s interesting how I got the opportunity to teach at HC, through giving tutorials and troubleshooting on the Intranet and training my successor. That was really cool, really tiring, but I enjoyed it and I think I’m quite good at it naturally. The organizational skills fit in nicely, and yeah. So funny how the teaching and counselling part has come up lately, in the most random places. I think they will come into play in big ways...I'm not sure how yet, but yeah. Maybe like Mati said in the car, I just want to take it to a higher level than the conventional...or as Nisha said, it's the creative side that kicks in wanting to be more than just a high school teacher.

My coworkers are really going to miss me, they have expressed and I can see it. My office really liked the cards I made for them and I liked making them too, to be able to be creative in that capacity. The emails I got back from people I have gotten to know outside my office, through yoga/pilates, events or whatnot were really great and encouraging too. They like me! And they said I shine – I am shining for Jesus and people see. How special is that.

This is the best kind of parting. I’m sad to go, but it’s time and it’s good. I’ve learned so much at HC, both professionally and personally, and it all just ties up nicely this chapter of my life. What seemed like such a mess and so uncertain then, just a year later, is all fitting into place. That is God’s blessing and provision - and timing.

I was talking to mom last night about Toronto and I really noticed upon reflection that I am defensive. Maybe sometimes I don’t let other people help me and be there for me, it’s like the self dependent attitude that is so hard to break, that Aaron has managed to break, so naturally. I gotta work on this, and it's going to be hard, but I think my family and my friends want to play a larger part in my life. And it's about time that I let them and lower the shields a little.

Life really is a journey as much as it is the destination. I imagine it’s like your wedding day and nothing can compare to the day, but it’s not just about the day, but the entire process that has led up to the day. I feel like in life, most of the time we are spending in the process rather than having arrived at the destination. Our destinations, or train stations if you will, are the valleys and mountains tops of our lives, and are brief. What matters more is the way up and down the mountain. Things have come to a comfortable and such a good place at home, and I have to leave soon. Maybe knowing that time is finite, really having that in your face, totally changes your attitude and approach towards time. I wish I would have this attitude all the time, but I think human beings are just fickle that way. Nonetheless, I will treasure each moment today. Thank you God.

It is 11:21PM PST on a weeknight and I don't have to go to bed! Such a weird feeling that I hadn't had for a year. Finally, for the first time in my life, I have four months to rest. I watched Enchanted tonight after dinner with my mom and sister, such a nice, perfect wrap up to my last day.