One Year

QT and I at Holt Renfrew downtown...what a wall eh?

Rereading again the emails I got back from my coworkers at HC makes me sad about leaving. Today was my last day of my year as a public servant. Crazy eh? One year already! It seems only like yesterday that I was finishing up my honours thesis at UBC.

I was browsing through my entries this time last year when I finished my last class at UBC, and I was struck at how similar yet different, I have become.

I think I am still an idealist and a dreamer, and insightful but I think I am a bit more focused. Maybe it is because I have finally made a decision about doing planning at UT, which is crazy – maybe it’s because I am going to Asia! This point last year, I had these things floating in the air, but here we are, materialized.

I think I want to teach in some capacity, I will definitely apply to TA during my masters. See how that goes, I know I want to work for a bit, but yeah, teaching will fit somewhere. It’s interesting how I got the opportunity to teach at HC, through giving tutorials and troubleshooting on the Intranet and training my successor. That was really cool, really tiring, but I enjoyed it and I think I’m quite good at it naturally. The organizational skills fit in nicely, and yeah. So funny how the teaching and counselling part has come up lately, in the most random places. I think they will come into play in big ways...I'm not sure how yet, but yeah. Maybe like Mati said in the car, I just want to take it to a higher level than the conventional...or as Nisha said, it's the creative side that kicks in wanting to be more than just a high school teacher.

My coworkers are really going to miss me, they have expressed and I can see it. My office really liked the cards I made for them and I liked making them too, to be able to be creative in that capacity. The emails I got back from people I have gotten to know outside my office, through yoga/pilates, events or whatnot were really great and encouraging too. They like me! And they said I shine – I am shining for Jesus and people see. How special is that.

This is the best kind of parting. I’m sad to go, but it’s time and it’s good. I’ve learned so much at HC, both professionally and personally, and it all just ties up nicely this chapter of my life. What seemed like such a mess and so uncertain then, just a year later, is all fitting into place. That is God’s blessing and provision - and timing.

I was talking to mom last night about Toronto and I really noticed upon reflection that I am defensive. Maybe sometimes I don’t let other people help me and be there for me, it’s like the self dependent attitude that is so hard to break, that Aaron has managed to break, so naturally. I gotta work on this, and it's going to be hard, but I think my family and my friends want to play a larger part in my life. And it's about time that I let them and lower the shields a little.

Life really is a journey as much as it is the destination. I imagine it’s like your wedding day and nothing can compare to the day, but it’s not just about the day, but the entire process that has led up to the day. I feel like in life, most of the time we are spending in the process rather than having arrived at the destination. Our destinations, or train stations if you will, are the valleys and mountains tops of our lives, and are brief. What matters more is the way up and down the mountain. Things have come to a comfortable and such a good place at home, and I have to leave soon. Maybe knowing that time is finite, really having that in your face, totally changes your attitude and approach towards time. I wish I would have this attitude all the time, but I think human beings are just fickle that way. Nonetheless, I will treasure each moment today. Thank you God.

It is 11:21PM PST on a weeknight and I don't have to go to bed! Such a weird feeling that I hadn't had for a year. Finally, for the first time in my life, I have four months to rest. I watched Enchanted tonight after dinner with my mom and sister, such a nice, perfect wrap up to my last day.